Interests:Cycling, Food, Cars, Motorcycles, Singing, Movies, Nature/Animals, and People's Stories Expertise:Pondering about life until my brain hurts. Arguing about things I'm passionate about
IF I WAS SWITCHFOOT ---------------------------------
Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead Yesterday is a memory spoken
This is your life and today is all you've got now Yeah, is today all you'll ever have Don't close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
Yesterday was a kid in the corner Yesterday was another step closer
This is your life and today is all you've got now Yeah, is today all you'll ever have Don't close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
Yesterday is a dream much sweeter Yesterday is dead and over
This is your life, are you who you want to be This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
SPRING FLING OR SPRING CLEANING? ------------------------------------------------
I think there are finally signs that maaaaybe Spring could be arriving in the East? Despite it still being in the 40s and often raining.....it would appear that relationship drama is sprouting up all around me! That must mean that summer romance is in the air again and spreading like the plague.
For better or worse not my own. However, it would seem that cupid needs some practice and he's become fat and lazy during the winter months here. Time to start practicing that aim again buddy!
As for me, I cannot wait until it actually feels like spring time outside. CAN'T WAIT!!!!
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out – ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that she is not Cinderella and that you are not Prince Charming and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and it's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you chose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. And you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.
And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.
You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK…and that it is your right to want things that you want. And that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch, and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our souls, so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. And that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone and it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your tears. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state – the EGO.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
One of the challenges that I willingly took upon myself when I moved across the country to a new city was a forceful redefinition of who I was and who I wanted to be. Not simply the new career I would be working towards, but every aspect of my life as I understood it was re-evaluated. I learned to face the rawness of my own self and to ask the questions, why and why not.
Moving to a new place where you know simply a handful of people provides you with an opportunity to reinvent yourself. Everything is new to you and everyone you meet starts with on a blank slate unknowing of your background, reputations, strengths, weaknesses, personality traits, or even your name.
Now that I've been here for over a year and in fact my academic time draws to a close, I find that I still struggle with the small doubt-filled passing thoughts that tell me I need to change and that I am not moving towards who I want to be. Those little nagging thoughts that whisper in my ear saying I could be more successful, wealthy, desirable, funny, or faithful.....if I just was different from who I was.
It's in moments like these that I forget the things that I'm been through in the past. The joy of a friend's affirmation, the successes of my confidence, the blessing of my experiences, and the growth from the battles I've fought. And perhaps most importantly the faith that I claim to have.
So in this reflective and nostalgic evening I'm having, I hope to take in these doubts and thoughts and put them in their place. They have a purpose in my consciousness that should drive me to better myself and improve the parts of who I am that still need to grow. But I should be aware that throughout my life I never really needed to change who I was. Instead, I needed to change the way I saw myself because I've always been who I was meant to be at that time.
Designed and created to learn the things I needed to, experience the joys and suffering, and influence/be influenced by the people I was around.
My life is mine to live and mine to discover. A gift that has been paid for and a challenge to fulfill.
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PHOTO JOURNAL ---------------------
The City Goes to Bed - Winter came roaring around the corner this year and before I had a chance to think about enjoying the foliage, the trees were bare. But here are a few snaps of the city in fall and before it was 30 degrees outside.
Pastry Ride - This past weekend I went on a "pastry ride" with some friends. It was similar to an alleycat race....which is similar to an urban scavenger/navigation race. Our team consisted of my roommate and I, my other friend who hadn't ridden for a few years, and her friend. Our mission, to bike around Boston finding specific pastries, pastry recipes, making things with them, and other crazy stuff.
The catch......it was 30 degrees outside and horribly windy. I don't think I've ever ridden through such cold weather and it was brutal. But despite our shivering bodies and fighting the wind, we had a blast and it was a ton of fun. Our final place in the race.....dead LAST. But of course like any good urban bicycle ride, it ended in a pub with everyone having a beer!
Hiking and Fall - Last month I did manage to get outdoors one final time to enjoy the end of "normal clothing weather" in Boston. I went with some people to Blue Hills Reservation, which is a really nice quaint place to hike and mountain bike just outside of Boston. While honestly only about half of the hike was calming and relaxing....I did really enjoy being outdoors and enjoying nature when I wasn't holding my tongue. That part of my heart that is still in California was sad to leave by the end of the day.
But common, is there anything like the fall leaves in California? All you have to do in the fall is step outside your door and it's like a fall painting! Incredible.
